{"id":3789,"date":"2013-05-02T11:39:00","date_gmt":"2013-05-02T11:39:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/?p=3789"},"modified":"2026-01-15T17:51:58","modified_gmt":"2026-01-15T17:51:58","slug":"he-said-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/?p=3789","title":{"rendered":"He said what?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Here is another lift from a FB post. I apologize, but some are very funny. They are excepts from court records and I have to believe that they are true statements.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"background-color: white;color: grey;font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size: 11px;line-height: 14px;text-align: left\">WTF??? HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"background-color: white;color: grey;font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size: 11px;line-height: 14px;text-align: left\">These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court,<\/span><span class=\"text_exposed_show\" style=\"background-color: white;color: grey;font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size: 11px;line-height: 14px;text-align: left\">&nbsp;word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.<\/p>\n<p>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?<br \/>WITNESS: He said, &#8216;Where am I, Cathy?&#8217;<br \/>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?<br \/>WITNESS: My name is Susan!<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>_<br \/>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?<br \/>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>______________<br \/>&nbsp;<\/span><br \/>\n<span class=\"text_exposed_show\" style=\"background-color: white;color: grey;font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size: 11px;line-height: 14px;text-align: left\">ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?<br \/>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>______________<br \/>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?<br \/>WITNESS: July 18th.<br \/>ATTORNEY: What year?<br \/>WITNESS: Every year.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>_______<br \/>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?<br \/>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can&#8217;t remember which.<br \/>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?<br \/>WITNESS: Forty-five years.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>___<br \/>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<br \/>WITNESS: Yes.<br \/>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<br \/>WITNESS: I forget..<br \/>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>_____________<br \/>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn&#8217;t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn&#8217;t know about it until the next morning?<br \/>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>______<\/p>\n<p>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?<br \/>WITNESS: He&#8217;s 20, much like your IQ.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>_____________<br \/>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<br \/>WITNESS: Are you shitting me?<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>___________<br \/>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<br \/>WITNESS: Yes.<br \/>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<br \/>WITNESS: Getting laid<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>______________<\/p>\n<p>ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?<br \/>WITNESS: Yes.<br \/>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<br \/>WITNESS: None.<br \/>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<br \/>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>______________<br \/>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<br \/>WITNESS: By death..<br \/>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?<br \/>WITNESS: Take a guess.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>_____________<\/p>\n<p>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<br \/>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard<br \/>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?<br \/>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I&#8217;m going with male.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>_______<br \/>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<br \/>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>________<br \/>ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?<br \/>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>___________<br \/>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?<br \/>WITNESS: Oral&#8230;<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>___________<br \/>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<br \/>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM<br \/>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br \/>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.<br \/>______________________________<wbr><\/wbr><span class=\"word_break\"><\/span>______________<br \/>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<br \/>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?<br \/>_____________________________<wbr><\/wbr>________<br \/>And last:<\/p>\n<p>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?<br \/>WITNESS: No.<br \/>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<br \/>WITNESS: No.<br \/>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<br \/>WITNESS: No..<br \/>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?<br \/>WITNESS: No.<br \/>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<br \/>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<br \/>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<br \/>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.<\/span><\/p>\n<table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/reebok.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" height=\"213\" src=\"http:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/reebok.jpg\" width=\"320\" \/><\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center\">Reeboks without the Gucci \ud83d\ude42<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<p>Maybe there should be a post on all the silent warriors out there, such as, court recorders, admin. assistants of all stripes, nurses, teachers, really anyone who has to keep a straight face, when recording all the facts, observing and documenting a situation, reading what others have written&#8230;.the list goes on. Please post any humorous situation you have encountered.<\/p>\n<p>Have a great day!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here is another lift from a FB post. I apologize, but some are very funny. They are excepts from court records and I have to believe that they are true statements. WTF??? HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES???? These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3790,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3789","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-unicorns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3789","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3789"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3789\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3791,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3789\/revisions\/3791"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3790"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}