{"id":7373,"date":"2017-05-09T14:36:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-09T14:36:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/?p=7373"},"modified":"2026-01-15T19:42:06","modified_gmt":"2026-01-15T19:42:06","slug":"asparagus-as-theatre-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/?p=7373","title":{"rendered":"Asparagus as Theatre"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of my favourite poets is T.S. Eliot and one of my favourite books is Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats<\/a>. I love, love, love everyone one of the poems in the book and yes, I am a cat person!!<\/p>\n

Ironically, this weekend one of those magical poems came to mind. It was Gus – The Theatre Cat. Why? Well, I don’t always have reasons for why things just pop into my head out of the blue, however, if I really think about it, there was probably a trigger. In fact, the trigger this weekend was an article in the paper about asparagus – not the cat, the plant.<\/p>\n

Ho hum – boring old asparagus. Now, it could be less boring, if you came from Europe and were used to white asparagus and then decided to get into an argument about the attributes of white asparagus over green. This might, however, turn into a kind of class warfare, where the upper classes always ate the purer, more refined foods – white asparagus, for example, while the servants ate the stodge.<\/p>\n

No, the article wasn’t putting anyone down. It was actually praising researchers at Guelph University who, in 2000, developed a kind of super asparagus. I had visions of an aspragus spear in a crusader’s cape, slaying the equivalent of vegetable dragons – OK it was a slow day!!<\/p>\n

Really, only a gardener can get excited about a plant that grows at twice the speed of its generic equivalent, lives twice as long – about fifteen years and has a significantly higher nutrient value. Throw into the mix the fact that it is frost hardy, can grow in really cold weather, poorer soil and needs very little in the way of pesticides.<\/p>\n

I think that it’s time to get an asparagus pot!! For those of you who didn’t find this very theatrical – did I mention that it grows so fast, that you can almost see it move – here’s the poem!!<\/p>\n

\nGus – The Theatre Cat
\nby T. S. Eliot<\/p>\n

Gus is the Cat at the Theatre Door.
\nHis name, as I ought to have told you before,
\nIs really Asparagus. That’s such a fuss
\nTo pronounce, that we usually call him just Gus.
\nHis coat’s very shabby, he’s thin as a rake,
\nAnd he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake.
\nYet he was, in his youth, quite the smartest of Cats–
\nBut no longer a terror to mice and to rats.
\nFor he isn’t the Cat that he was in his prime;
\nThough his name was quite famous, he says, in its time.
\nAnd whenever he joins his friends at their club
\n(Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub)
\nHe loves to regale them, if someone else pays,
\nWith anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days.
\nFor he once was a Star of the highest degree–
\nHe has acted with Irving, he’s acted with Tree.
\nAnd he likes to relate his success on the Halls,
\nWhere the Gallery once gave him seven cat-calls.
\nBut his grandest creation, as he loves to tell,
\nWas Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell.<\/p>\n

“I have played,” so he says, “every possible part,
\nAnd I used to know seventy speeches by heart.
\nI’d extemporize back-chat, I knew how to gag,
\nAnd I knew how to let the cat out of the bag.
\nI knew how to act with my back and my tail;
\nWith an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail.
\nI’d a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts,
\nWhether I took the lead, or in character parts.
\nI have sat by the bedside of poor Little Nell;
\nWhen the Curfew was rung, then I swung on the bell.
\nIn the Pantomime season I never fell flat,
\nAnd I once understudied Dick Whittington’s Cat.
\nBut my grandest creation, as history will tell,
\nWas Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell.”<\/p>\n

Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin,
\nHe will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne.
\nAt a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat,
\nWhen some actor suggested the need for a cat.
\nHe once played a Tiger–could do it again–
\nWhich an Indian Colonel purused down a drain.
\nAnd he thinks that he still can, much better than most,
\nProduce blood-curdling noises to bring on the Ghost.
\nAnd he once crossed the stage on a telegraph wire,
\nTo rescue a child when a house was on fire.
\nAnd he says: “Now then kittens, they do not get trained
\nAs we did in the days when Victoria reigned.
\nThey never get drilled in a regular troupe,
\nAnd they think they are smart, just to jump through a hoop.”
\nAnd he’ll say, as he scratches himself with his claws,
\n“Well, the Theatre’s certainly not what it was.
\nThese modern productions are all very well,
\nBut there’s nothing to equal, from what I hear tell,
\nThat moment of mystery
\nWhen I made history
\nAs Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell.”<\/p>\n

How he ever got the name Asparagus, I’ll never know. But clearly he was a star and so is Guelph Millennial (crazy name too) that new breed of asparagus, which is producing a little theatre in the garden. Move over Sweet 100s, you’ve got competition!!<\/p>\n

Have an aspiring day!! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of my favourite poets is T.S. Eliot and one of my favourite books is Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats. I love, love, love everyone one of the poems in the book and yes, I am a cat person!! Ironically, this weekend one of those magical poems came to mind. It was Gus – […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7373","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gardening","category-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7373","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7373"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7373\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7374,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7373\/revisions\/7374"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7373"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7373"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeiswhathappens.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7373"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}